after spending the night in a bed that was just as comfortable as the floor would've been*, i awoke, happy to find no lasting effects of the absinthe. then again, i'd only had one shot.
vientiane is a quaint little city, but it was time to move on. other than the wat and arc de triomphe thing (which i now know is called patuxai), all that was left to see was the lao natural history museum. after a whirlwind tour of the place before they closed for siesta, nadja and i jumped a bus up to vang vieng.
pha that luang. it looks like gold, but the inside is milk chocolate.
patuxai, the arc de triomphe knock-off. you can practically hear the french laughing at it..."a-haw haw haw."
laos was never designed with travel in mind. actually, the place wasn't designed with anything in mind, other than kicking it and choking on dust. travel is done almost exclusively by bus, over roads of varying quality and maintenance. there are no trains, and laos' only airline, the appropriately-named lao airlines, is not only impractical, but has a horrible reputation. for reasons that can only be interpreted as grim, they do not publish their safety record. and even if you do wanna risk life + limb aboard their crafts, chances are they're not flying where you wanna go, anyway. at least when it comes to buses, you have options: shitty buses, really shitty buses, and minibuses**. naturally, they don't refer to their shitty means of transport as shitty. for interpretation, please refer to the following table:
v.i.p. bus = shitty bus
local bus = really shitty bus
minibus = itty bitty shitty bus
with v.i.p. buses, you get the following amenities: luggage stowed in a lower compartment, seats that may or may not recline airplane-style, and an overhead a/c vent and reading light. the "reading light" is just for show, and the a/c vent can vary anywhere from non-working amenity to arctic hurricane gust. basically, you never know what you're getting until you climb aboard.
local buses, on the other hand, feature all the people, animals, luggage and anything portable that can fit into and on top of the vehicle. as an added feature, they will stop anywhere to pick up or drop off riders. sounds nice, right? well, it is if you're starting/ending your journey mid-route. for the rest of the riders, it just adds more time to the experience.
as for minibuses, the name conjures images of a shortbus. this sounds fun, right? in actuality, these are commuter vans, and are just as crowded as the v.i.p. bus, but smaller, and with a name that conveys less of an aura of prestige.
per the suggestions of some other travelers, i was told to try the local bus at least once, just for the experience. since the vientiane-vang vieng route is one of the shortest in the country (4-5 hours, at best), this seemed like the one to try.
basically, the ride was everything i expected, only longer. nadja + i were crammed into tiny plastic seats, surrounded by bags of farming supplies and locals, many of whom loved to play loud music through tinny cell phone speakers. apparently, these phones only hold about 3 songs each. by the end of the 7-hour ride, i could practically sing along to them, despite having no idea what the words were. eventually, we made it through winding, bumpy hills and into the promised land of vang vieng. the town has quite a reputation for fun. here's what i'd been told beforehand:
1. it's a small town, but a party town.
2. it's almost entirely tourists, aka highly westernized.
3. there are plenty of outdoor-related activities, the most popular of which is tubing down the river and stopping at its many bars for drinks and rope swings.
4. they serve delicious shakes.
5. they serve delicious shakes with "happy" ingredients; stuff that is technically illegal.
6. they all love the show "friends" and watch it non-stop.
7. everyone who goes there loves it, and has such a good time that they stay a few extra days at the expense of missing out on the rest of the country.
after spending something like 4 days there, here's my take on the above-mentioned points:
1. yes, it is a party town. it felt a lot like spring break, but with paler skin and more dreadlocks. crap, you see a lot of those types here, and they're almost always europeans. these ratty-haired folks with various tribal tattoos and other poorly thought-out designs may scream individuality at home, but when they all amass in another part of the world to eat, stink and be merry, they start to look awful homogenous. oh, the irony! at least they're wearing proper swim trunks, not the atrocious micromini-speedos of their wrinkly parents' generation.
2. yes, there is very little lao authenticity to this town. don't come for the culture; come to make fun of the europeans.
3. this is why we come here. all sorts of caving, kayaking, swimming and yes, the holy grail of it all, tubing. of the 2-3km of river that people float down, there are at least 40 bars, most of them clumped together. they range from tiny porches with a single cooler of beer to large compounds featuring volleyball courts, palapas, restaurants/kitchens, and rope swings + zip lines. as for the rope swings? if you're like me, you're probably picturing something simple like a rope, hanging from a tree branch over the river. not the case. instead, rickety bamboo structures of various heights (generally 6-10 meters) are set up, from which the brave*** can swing wildly out on steel cables, covering enormous parabolic arcs before plummeting into the river below. this can be a really intense and amazing experience, even when sober. i can't wait to find a reliable computer from which to upload videos.
mark (ireland), midair @ last bar
4. yes, they do serve delicious shakes. no meal is complete without an ice-cold, sugary concoction overloaded with fruity goodness. i preferred the mint ones.
5. yes, they serve these, too. i assume they also taste good, but from what i heard, potency and legality varied by restaurant. some places avoid trouble by paying the cops to look the other way. apparently, busting tourists is a huge racket here. there are all sorts of people working undercover, and stories abound of guesthouse owners who set up their own visitors for busts. getting caught is a fine that can reach $500+, the proceeds of which go to the arresting officer, but with a healthy commission for whoever else was involved. despite the inherent dangers, plenty of people still walk around town extolling the virtues of their altered shakes.
6. they do show ''friends" everywhere. at first, i was under the impression that the locals were obsessed with the show and just loved having it on. but in actuality, the restaurants all air it with the assumption that westerners love it, and whether or not they actually do, they still frequent said restaurants and stare slack-jawed at the screens as they eat their traditional lao meals of hamburgers, pizza and spaghetti.
7. "groundhog day" syndrome is strong here. vang vieng is fun, but drinking and tubing all day, followed by drinking and watching reruns at night can get very repetitive. VERY repetitive. almost everyone i spoke with shared stories of their planned 2-3 day visits stretching out to 5-7 days, or even longer. some people blame the constant partying, in conjunction with the only buses out of town leaving before 10 a.m. others just have too much of a good time in a relaxing place, and are hesitant to jump back on the long, bumpy road.
speaking of long, bumpy roads, they get worse than the vientiane-vang vieng route. much worse, as i learned when i finally left for luang prabang, to the north.
-sg
another laosy sunset.
at 8,800 kip to the dollar, everyone's a millionaire. or in my case, a seven hundred thousandaire.
uh, nadja? the temple's on your other right.
they were both holding little tiny roaches.
if you can't find a buddha nearby, just worship one of these...
* but with slightly less bugs.
** minibuses are equally shitty, just smaller. by some sort of mathematical equation (transitive? i forget), that relates to more shittiness per square foot for minibuses.
*** aka the intoxicated.
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