happy birthday, america.-sg
7.03.2008
6.03.2008
change of pace
it's been two long, boring, ladyboy-less months since my "escape from l.a." trip came to an end, and i still haven't posted anything that happened after leaving laos. as much as i'd love to share all my as-of-yet unreported advenures, it's looking about as likely as chinese democracy right now. in the mean time, i'm gonna continue to add new material to the site, beginning with the one posted below.
enjoy!
-sg
enjoy!
-sg
steve and sadie's play date
this is sadie.
she lives in the city with clark and jess.
everybody loves sadie. she's cute and fuzzy and always has a smile on her face. one day, clark and jess went out of town, so i decided to bring sadie out to the beach.
jess wrote out all the instructions for taking care of sadie, but i never read them. i mean, she's a dog, right? how hard could it be to take care of her? feed her, play with her, don't let her get away, all that stuff is common knowledge.
when it was time to eat, i gave her a can of dog food.
apparently, she's a picky eater.
if she doesn't like dog food, maybe people food would work. whether man or beast, we all like chocolate, right?
like it? she LOVED it!
i didn't want her to make a mess in the house, so i took her to the bathroom.
i waited…
and waited…
but she didn't do anything.
oh wait, it's cats that go indoors. maybe i should take her outside.
go to the bathroom HERE, sadie.
still no luck, so i showed her by example.
speaking of cats, they always land on their feet, right?
i wonder if dogs do, too?
apparently, they DON'T.
time for some exercise. let's go for a walk!
but it's so hot today! i need some a/c.
hey, maybe THIS will work.
after our walk/drive, we played fetch.
for some reason, sadie didn't want to play.
as the day wound down, i knew i'd have to take her home soon. but she was SO dirty!
time for a quick wash. i set it on delicate, of course.
then on fluff dry for 20 minutes.
voila, clean dog!
eventually, it was time to bring her home. but i didn't want to drive all the way into the city! not during rush hour, and especially not with gas at $4.50/gallon.
hmm…i have an idea.
home is THAT way, girl!
i can't wait 'til our next play date!
-sg
she lives in the city with clark and jess.
everybody loves sadie. she's cute and fuzzy and always has a smile on her face. one day, clark and jess went out of town, so i decided to bring sadie out to the beach.
jess wrote out all the instructions for taking care of sadie, but i never read them. i mean, she's a dog, right? how hard could it be to take care of her? feed her, play with her, don't let her get away, all that stuff is common knowledge.
when it was time to eat, i gave her a can of dog food.
apparently, she's a picky eater.
if she doesn't like dog food, maybe people food would work. whether man or beast, we all like chocolate, right?
like it? she LOVED it!
i didn't want her to make a mess in the house, so i took her to the bathroom.
i waited…
and waited…
but she didn't do anything.
oh wait, it's cats that go indoors. maybe i should take her outside.
go to the bathroom HERE, sadie.
still no luck, so i showed her by example.
speaking of cats, they always land on their feet, right?
i wonder if dogs do, too?
apparently, they DON'T.
time for some exercise. let's go for a walk!
but it's so hot today! i need some a/c.
hey, maybe THIS will work.
after our walk/drive, we played fetch.
for some reason, sadie didn't want to play.
as the day wound down, i knew i'd have to take her home soon. but she was SO dirty!
time for a quick wash. i set it on delicate, of course.
then on fluff dry for 20 minutes.
voila, clean dog!
eventually, it was time to bring her home. but i didn't want to drive all the way into the city! not during rush hour, and especially not with gas at $4.50/gallon.
hmm…i have an idea.
home is THAT way, girl!
i can't wait 'til our next play date!
-sg
4.09.2008
new frontiers
it's been awhile since i've added anything on here, which is pretty much everybody's fault but my own. anyways, i'm back in california now, spending plenty of quality time with those i missed most: my bed and my toilet.
my trip just doesn't seem complete without sharing written accounts of all that happened after flying outta laos. that being said, i'm gonna do my best to add what i can to the site. i have over 2,000 pictures to go through, not to mention 6 weeks of neglected mail, weeds, laundry and bill collectors to tend to.
cambodia was the next destination for me, but before i cover that fantastic nightmare of a country, i thought i'd share a photo of one of the more memorable parts of my trip: crossing the equator. sure, for most people, this is no big deal. but, shutterbug that i am, i managed to snap a photo of the rare and elusive line that separates our hemispheres.
behold:
the equator almost never shows up on camera. in fact, most "images" of it are actually illustrations on maps and globes. it sometimes appears as a dotted line, but in rare cases, such as the one above, it can be solid. so how did i manage to photograph such a hard-to-spot line in the middle of the ocean? maybe i was lucky, maybe i have a sharp eye, or maybe i just tweaked the image around on microsoft paint. who's to say?
for now, i'm gonna keep my eyes peeled for the even more elusive, oceanic land of rand mcnally.
-sg
my trip just doesn't seem complete without sharing written accounts of all that happened after flying outta laos. that being said, i'm gonna do my best to add what i can to the site. i have over 2,000 pictures to go through, not to mention 6 weeks of neglected mail, weeds, laundry and bill collectors to tend to.
cambodia was the next destination for me, but before i cover that fantastic nightmare of a country, i thought i'd share a photo of one of the more memorable parts of my trip: crossing the equator. sure, for most people, this is no big deal. but, shutterbug that i am, i managed to snap a photo of the rare and elusive line that separates our hemispheres.
behold:
the equator almost never shows up on camera. in fact, most "images" of it are actually illustrations on maps and globes. it sometimes appears as a dotted line, but in rare cases, such as the one above, it can be solid. so how did i manage to photograph such a hard-to-spot line in the middle of the ocean? maybe i was lucky, maybe i have a sharp eye, or maybe i just tweaked the image around on microsoft paint. who's to say?
for now, i'm gonna keep my eyes peeled for the even more elusive, oceanic land of rand mcnally.
-sg
3.24.2008
ancient asian philosophical questions
-what's the sound of one hand clapping?
-if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?
-can you hit a ladyboy?
it's questions like these that keep me up at night. especially the last one. as we all know, men are not allowed to hit women. not even on vacation. but what about when the woman in question isn't really a woman? and what if she really deserves it?
there are no guidebooks that deal with the subject of ladyboys, no definitive source to turn to. actually, i'm willing to bet there is such a book, or several books even, but i'm not gonna waste my precious time looking for them. you'd think hitting women, or newly minted women wouldn't even be a concern, but oh, how wrong you are. some of these former guys are highly aggressive*, and have no intentions of taking no as an answer. they will grab you, grope you, or occasionally grab you and use your own hand to grope them, stirring even deeper philosophical debates internally. as far as i'm concerned, this kind of behavior is sexual harassment, and i don't have to take it. but if telling them "no" doesn't stop them, and walking away only means they'll follow you, what's a boy to do? a real boy, that is.
there are two different philosophies when it comes to ladyboys:
1. if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. even if the genetic code ain't on par, this is a bonafide, de-bonerfied girl.
2. all the penectomies, breast implants, adam's apple shavings and addavadge surguries in the world don't make you a woman. no monthly bleeding, no babies: you're still a guy, just one with emotional and physical baggage far deeper than any customized crotch.
some guys are totally into option #1, or at least consider it after being fooled on a drunken night out. others are fully convinced that they can't be fully convinced by masquerading masculinity.
i'm wondering what other people's opinions are on the situation. is it acceptable to hit a ladyboy? i only bring this up because a friend of a friend has actually faced this scenario. apparently, she woke up in the middle of the night to the sounds of the phony femme rifling through her luggage. while she was a bit restrained, her male friend became involved, and ended up hitting the thief. supposedly, the ladyboy mafia is now after them. yeah, really! wrong or right, that sight alone would be worth hitting a woman over.
feel free to add your own two cents on the subject.
thanks.
-sg
* i blame the lingering testosterone in their systems.
-if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?
-can you hit a ladyboy?
it's questions like these that keep me up at night. especially the last one. as we all know, men are not allowed to hit women. not even on vacation. but what about when the woman in question isn't really a woman? and what if she really deserves it?
there are no guidebooks that deal with the subject of ladyboys, no definitive source to turn to. actually, i'm willing to bet there is such a book, or several books even, but i'm not gonna waste my precious time looking for them. you'd think hitting women, or newly minted women wouldn't even be a concern, but oh, how wrong you are. some of these former guys are highly aggressive*, and have no intentions of taking no as an answer. they will grab you, grope you, or occasionally grab you and use your own hand to grope them, stirring even deeper philosophical debates internally. as far as i'm concerned, this kind of behavior is sexual harassment, and i don't have to take it. but if telling them "no" doesn't stop them, and walking away only means they'll follow you, what's a boy to do? a real boy, that is.
there are two different philosophies when it comes to ladyboys:
1. if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. even if the genetic code ain't on par, this is a bonafide, de-bonerfied girl.
2. all the penectomies, breast implants, adam's apple shavings and addavadge surguries in the world don't make you a woman. no monthly bleeding, no babies: you're still a guy, just one with emotional and physical baggage far deeper than any customized crotch.
some guys are totally into option #1, or at least consider it after being fooled on a drunken night out. others are fully convinced that they can't be fully convinced by masquerading masculinity.
i'm wondering what other people's opinions are on the situation. is it acceptable to hit a ladyboy? i only bring this up because a friend of a friend has actually faced this scenario. apparently, she woke up in the middle of the night to the sounds of the phony femme rifling through her luggage. while she was a bit restrained, her male friend became involved, and ended up hitting the thief. supposedly, the ladyboy mafia is now after them. yeah, really! wrong or right, that sight alone would be worth hitting a woman over.
feel free to add your own two cents on the subject.
thanks.
-sg
* i blame the lingering testosterone in their systems.
3.22.2008
lao'd enough for you?
laos, days 6-8...
"one good thing about music: when it hits, you feel no pain." - bob marley.
apparently, bob never had to listen to thai pop music before. more specifically, thai pop music being blasted on speakers that go up to eleven on a crowded, decrepit bus bouncing its way through the winding hills of laos. a bus which was built for tiny people who have no need for leg room. holy crap, i've actually found a situation right on par with chili-infused 'rhea served over a squat toilet.
what was i doing listening to thai music in laos? doesn't laos have their own crappy music i could suffer through? not really. laos' only cultural contribution to date is beerlao; all other forms of entertainment are imported from thailand. consequently, most lao have learned the thai language, not for social or economic gain, but as a means to better appreciate television and radio. as far as i'm concerned, there isn't a way to appreciate the latter. in trying to think of a term to describe thai music, all i could come up was "sappy." well, there was also "unbearable," god-awful" and "downright shitty," but those aren't exactly categories that are charted in billboard magazine.
for some reason, all speakers in laos have only one setting: LOUD. earth-shakingly loud. i really don't know why this is, but whether you're at a bar, temple, restaurant or sadly, on a crowded bus, your ears are gonna hurt. i'd be sitting there listening to my ipod at full volume, forcing each tiny earpiece directly up against my eardrum, with every bass and kick drum note causing my eyes to involuntarily blink, and i STILL couldn't drown out the thai music. unfortunately, the bus driver calls the shots when it comes to controlling the dials, and i had no intentions of complaining to a guy whose one distraction could send us careening off a cliff into hazy oblivion. besides, he wouldn't even hear me if i tried.*
think this situation sounds bad? imagine doing it three trips this way, for 10+ hours each time, with your knees forced into the plastic seat in front of you, your head bouncing off the window every few seconds due to all the twists, turns and bumps in the road, the driver honking every 5 seconds either to warn potential approaching cars around the next turn, or to alert the truck in front of us that, somehow, we're going to try to pass it, the guy next to you eating a bag of fried crickets and dropping hairy, little jointed legs all over the place, because apparently, he finds the legs to be too gross to eat, the guy in front of you carrying a large machine gun despite NOT having a military uniform or any identifying aspect to suggest he isn't a total nutcase in plain clothes, and and yes, the horrible music, which thankfully drowns out the sound of the guy behind you puking his brains out into a doggie bag.** lao buses keep a healthy stock of these bags on hand, and i haven't taken a ride yet where someone hasn't used one. in fact, on one bus trip, nadja personally filled 10. i am very glad we traveled separately that day.
and it gets worse. imagine everything the same as mentioned above, but instead of listening to abortion-inducing thai pop music blasted through speakers, substitute it for abortion-inducing thai pop music blasted through speakers while simultaneously playing on a tv screen, karaoke style. great, now i don't just have to listen to idiots whining, i have to watch them, too. and if i thought thai music was bad and lacked variety, the videos are even worse. actually, there are three types of videos that thai pop singers prefer, each more shitty than the last:
1. a flamboyant guy singing, while 4 sexy, identical-looking women in matching outfits gyrate in the background, in front of a green screen showing various images of bangkok's skyline at night.***
2. a woman singing mournfully as she slowly walks through a market/shopping mall/cemetery, with flashbacks to her on romantic walks with a flamboyant guy,**** shot in soft focus.
3. a flamboyant guy singing in front of a green screen, as stock images of bangkok's skyline pass behind him.*****
and i thought rap videos lacked variety! jesus.
so yeah, you get the point: buses in laos suck. they suck so much, you'd eventually be willing to throw down any amount of money just to get outta the country in a manner not befitting of a thai pop soundtrack. for me, that amount of money was $190, which i will forever consider a bargain.
before i go on to tales of woe and "whoa!" in cambodia, i should explain where and why i went on those horrible bus rides:
bus 1 - vang vieng to luang prabang. i'd heard great things about this city, but once i arrived, everything was a disappointment, other than the food. hotel owners changed their rates on me, cab drivers changed their fees on my friends, and the first 5 shops i went to either short-changed me, created their own exchange rate that was highly advantageous to themselves, or downright "didn't have change" for whatever bill i used. sure, i coulda avoided some of this trouble by only using lao money, but since lao, thai and u.s. currency are all accepted there, it made sense to stick with what i know and love and already had in my pocket. plus, referring to the picture i posted previously of me fanning out the money: the largest bill they use is 20,000 kip,****** worth about half a cup of starbucks back home. carrying around giant stacks of money is only really useful for photo ops and music videos. rap music videos, that is.
that being said, these experiences, along with a few others i may or may not explain later, really rubbed me the wrong way. i lost a lot of faith in the people there, and it tarnished my image not just of luang prabang, but the entire country. it's a shame, 'cause every smiling face i saw on the street, every person who approached me just for an opportunity to practice english was someone who i felt like i had to watch out for. this is no way to enjoy yourself when traveling. it's too bad that it only took a few people to alter my entire experience.
bus 2 - luang prabang to phonsavanh. due to a lack of reliable/existing roads, getting from point a to point b here involved backtracking through previous point a's and b's. needless to say, the roads were just as miserable to traverse the second time around. at least the final hours of this ride were somewhat better once the bus was finally out of the hills and back to good ol' potholed tarmac. still, choosing phonsavanh as a destination was a tough choice. due to time constraints, i was either going to check out the gibbon experience further north in laos, or pass it up for the plain of jars, located just outside of p-town. the former is is a chance to see adorable little monkeys, sleep in treehouses and swing from ziplines, and the latter was a chance to see a bunch of jars in a field*******. knowing how much i love monkeys and ziplines, it would seem like a no-brainer, right?
why i went with the jars, i'll never know. i was a little concerned about time constraints for the gibbons, as it was a 2 night/3 day program that took a day of travel to get there and back. it's not like the jars were easily accessible, but at least they were located closer to the other destinations i wanted to see. don't get me wrong, the jars were interesting, but i couldn't find a single one that was capable of swinging from trees, doing cute little human things, or throwing its poo. in fact, all they did was sit there and look mysterious. to this date, no one knows what these 3,000 year old giant jars were used for. theories are either food storage, alcohol fermentation or as burial/cremation bins. sure, that gives them a stonhenge-esque mystique, but still, no monkeys. next time i'm in laos, i'm heading north. oh, and to make matters worse, my sandal strap tore in phonsavanh, and while the town had scores of shops selling footwear, i couldn't find anything larger than doll size. good thing i had a ratty pair of tennis shoes tucked into my backpack.
bus 3 - phonsavanh to vientiane. this trip did nothing but confirm my hatred for all things bus. i couldn't get on a plane fast enough. well, i could, actually, thanks to lao airlines "losing" my reservation for the 6:30 a.m. flight to siem reap, cambodia. lucky for me, the busy vientiane airport has more than just one flight a day: they have five! willing to go anywhere beyond laos at that point, i jumped the next flight available, which at least put me in the right country********.
phew, i'm finally caught up with laos and ready to reveal the wonders and worries of cambodia. but sadly, i have already moved on to the next country. the next two countries, if you count brief layovers in airports. where am i now? only time will tell. stay tuned in a few weeks to find out.
-sg
* or understand me, either.
** hooray for run-on sentences!
*** robert palmer must be spinning in his grave. at least he had the courtesy to use dozens of sexy women in his videos.
**** possibly the same flamboyant guy from the 1st type of music videos.
***** or maybe it's just that all guys in thai videos are flamboyant.
****** okay, i did see a 50,000 kip note, but only on 2 occasions. banks + atms sure as hell didn't give them out.
******* or a plain, if you will.
******** you can never have too many asterisks.
"one good thing about music: when it hits, you feel no pain." - bob marley.
apparently, bob never had to listen to thai pop music before. more specifically, thai pop music being blasted on speakers that go up to eleven on a crowded, decrepit bus bouncing its way through the winding hills of laos. a bus which was built for tiny people who have no need for leg room. holy crap, i've actually found a situation right on par with chili-infused 'rhea served over a squat toilet.
what was i doing listening to thai music in laos? doesn't laos have their own crappy music i could suffer through? not really. laos' only cultural contribution to date is beerlao; all other forms of entertainment are imported from thailand. consequently, most lao have learned the thai language, not for social or economic gain, but as a means to better appreciate television and radio. as far as i'm concerned, there isn't a way to appreciate the latter. in trying to think of a term to describe thai music, all i could come up was "sappy." well, there was also "unbearable," god-awful" and "downright shitty," but those aren't exactly categories that are charted in billboard magazine.
for some reason, all speakers in laos have only one setting: LOUD. earth-shakingly loud. i really don't know why this is, but whether you're at a bar, temple, restaurant or sadly, on a crowded bus, your ears are gonna hurt. i'd be sitting there listening to my ipod at full volume, forcing each tiny earpiece directly up against my eardrum, with every bass and kick drum note causing my eyes to involuntarily blink, and i STILL couldn't drown out the thai music. unfortunately, the bus driver calls the shots when it comes to controlling the dials, and i had no intentions of complaining to a guy whose one distraction could send us careening off a cliff into hazy oblivion. besides, he wouldn't even hear me if i tried.*
think this situation sounds bad? imagine doing it three trips this way, for 10+ hours each time, with your knees forced into the plastic seat in front of you, your head bouncing off the window every few seconds due to all the twists, turns and bumps in the road, the driver honking every 5 seconds either to warn potential approaching cars around the next turn, or to alert the truck in front of us that, somehow, we're going to try to pass it, the guy next to you eating a bag of fried crickets and dropping hairy, little jointed legs all over the place, because apparently, he finds the legs to be too gross to eat, the guy in front of you carrying a large machine gun despite NOT having a military uniform or any identifying aspect to suggest he isn't a total nutcase in plain clothes, and and yes, the horrible music, which thankfully drowns out the sound of the guy behind you puking his brains out into a doggie bag.** lao buses keep a healthy stock of these bags on hand, and i haven't taken a ride yet where someone hasn't used one. in fact, on one bus trip, nadja personally filled 10. i am very glad we traveled separately that day.
and it gets worse. imagine everything the same as mentioned above, but instead of listening to abortion-inducing thai pop music blasted through speakers, substitute it for abortion-inducing thai pop music blasted through speakers while simultaneously playing on a tv screen, karaoke style. great, now i don't just have to listen to idiots whining, i have to watch them, too. and if i thought thai music was bad and lacked variety, the videos are even worse. actually, there are three types of videos that thai pop singers prefer, each more shitty than the last:
1. a flamboyant guy singing, while 4 sexy, identical-looking women in matching outfits gyrate in the background, in front of a green screen showing various images of bangkok's skyline at night.***
2. a woman singing mournfully as she slowly walks through a market/shopping mall/cemetery, with flashbacks to her on romantic walks with a flamboyant guy,**** shot in soft focus.
3. a flamboyant guy singing in front of a green screen, as stock images of bangkok's skyline pass behind him.*****
and i thought rap videos lacked variety! jesus.
so yeah, you get the point: buses in laos suck. they suck so much, you'd eventually be willing to throw down any amount of money just to get outta the country in a manner not befitting of a thai pop soundtrack. for me, that amount of money was $190, which i will forever consider a bargain.
before i go on to tales of woe and "whoa!" in cambodia, i should explain where and why i went on those horrible bus rides:
bus 1 - vang vieng to luang prabang. i'd heard great things about this city, but once i arrived, everything was a disappointment, other than the food. hotel owners changed their rates on me, cab drivers changed their fees on my friends, and the first 5 shops i went to either short-changed me, created their own exchange rate that was highly advantageous to themselves, or downright "didn't have change" for whatever bill i used. sure, i coulda avoided some of this trouble by only using lao money, but since lao, thai and u.s. currency are all accepted there, it made sense to stick with what i know and love and already had in my pocket. plus, referring to the picture i posted previously of me fanning out the money: the largest bill they use is 20,000 kip,****** worth about half a cup of starbucks back home. carrying around giant stacks of money is only really useful for photo ops and music videos. rap music videos, that is.
that being said, these experiences, along with a few others i may or may not explain later, really rubbed me the wrong way. i lost a lot of faith in the people there, and it tarnished my image not just of luang prabang, but the entire country. it's a shame, 'cause every smiling face i saw on the street, every person who approached me just for an opportunity to practice english was someone who i felt like i had to watch out for. this is no way to enjoy yourself when traveling. it's too bad that it only took a few people to alter my entire experience.
bus 2 - luang prabang to phonsavanh. due to a lack of reliable/existing roads, getting from point a to point b here involved backtracking through previous point a's and b's. needless to say, the roads were just as miserable to traverse the second time around. at least the final hours of this ride were somewhat better once the bus was finally out of the hills and back to good ol' potholed tarmac. still, choosing phonsavanh as a destination was a tough choice. due to time constraints, i was either going to check out the gibbon experience further north in laos, or pass it up for the plain of jars, located just outside of p-town. the former is is a chance to see adorable little monkeys, sleep in treehouses and swing from ziplines, and the latter was a chance to see a bunch of jars in a field*******. knowing how much i love monkeys and ziplines, it would seem like a no-brainer, right?
why i went with the jars, i'll never know. i was a little concerned about time constraints for the gibbons, as it was a 2 night/3 day program that took a day of travel to get there and back. it's not like the jars were easily accessible, but at least they were located closer to the other destinations i wanted to see. don't get me wrong, the jars were interesting, but i couldn't find a single one that was capable of swinging from trees, doing cute little human things, or throwing its poo. in fact, all they did was sit there and look mysterious. to this date, no one knows what these 3,000 year old giant jars were used for. theories are either food storage, alcohol fermentation or as burial/cremation bins. sure, that gives them a stonhenge-esque mystique, but still, no monkeys. next time i'm in laos, i'm heading north. oh, and to make matters worse, my sandal strap tore in phonsavanh, and while the town had scores of shops selling footwear, i couldn't find anything larger than doll size. good thing i had a ratty pair of tennis shoes tucked into my backpack.
bus 3 - phonsavanh to vientiane. this trip did nothing but confirm my hatred for all things bus. i couldn't get on a plane fast enough. well, i could, actually, thanks to lao airlines "losing" my reservation for the 6:30 a.m. flight to siem reap, cambodia. lucky for me, the busy vientiane airport has more than just one flight a day: they have five! willing to go anywhere beyond laos at that point, i jumped the next flight available, which at least put me in the right country********.
phew, i'm finally caught up with laos and ready to reveal the wonders and worries of cambodia. but sadly, i have already moved on to the next country. the next two countries, if you count brief layovers in airports. where am i now? only time will tell. stay tuned in a few weeks to find out.
-sg
* or understand me, either.
** hooray for run-on sentences!
*** robert palmer must be spinning in his grave. at least he had the courtesy to use dozens of sexy women in his videos.
**** possibly the same flamboyant guy from the 1st type of music videos.
***** or maybe it's just that all guys in thai videos are flamboyant.
****** okay, i did see a 50,000 kip note, but only on 2 occasions. banks + atms sure as hell didn't give them out.
******* or a plain, if you will.
******** you can never have too many asterisks.
3.21.2008
vang vieng via vientiane
jumping back again, to days 2-5 in laos:
after spending the night in a bed that was just as comfortable as the floor would've been*, i awoke, happy to find no lasting effects of the absinthe. then again, i'd only had one shot.
vientiane is a quaint little city, but it was time to move on. other than the wat and arc de triomphe thing (which i now know is called patuxai), all that was left to see was the lao natural history museum. after a whirlwind tour of the place before they closed for siesta, nadja and i jumped a bus up to vang vieng.
pha that luang. it looks like gold, but the inside is milk chocolate.
patuxai, the arc de triomphe knock-off. you can practically hear the french laughing at it..."a-haw haw haw."
laos was never designed with travel in mind. actually, the place wasn't designed with anything in mind, other than kicking it and choking on dust. travel is done almost exclusively by bus, over roads of varying quality and maintenance. there are no trains, and laos' only airline, the appropriately-named lao airlines, is not only impractical, but has a horrible reputation. for reasons that can only be interpreted as grim, they do not publish their safety record. and even if you do wanna risk life + limb aboard their crafts, chances are they're not flying where you wanna go, anyway. at least when it comes to buses, you have options: shitty buses, really shitty buses, and minibuses**. naturally, they don't refer to their shitty means of transport as shitty. for interpretation, please refer to the following table:
v.i.p. bus = shitty bus
local bus = really shitty bus
minibus = itty bitty shitty bus
with v.i.p. buses, you get the following amenities: luggage stowed in a lower compartment, seats that may or may not recline airplane-style, and an overhead a/c vent and reading light. the "reading light" is just for show, and the a/c vent can vary anywhere from non-working amenity to arctic hurricane gust. basically, you never know what you're getting until you climb aboard.
local buses, on the other hand, feature all the people, animals, luggage and anything portable that can fit into and on top of the vehicle. as an added feature, they will stop anywhere to pick up or drop off riders. sounds nice, right? well, it is if you're starting/ending your journey mid-route. for the rest of the riders, it just adds more time to the experience.
as for minibuses, the name conjures images of a shortbus. this sounds fun, right? in actuality, these are commuter vans, and are just as crowded as the v.i.p. bus, but smaller, and with a name that conveys less of an aura of prestige.
per the suggestions of some other travelers, i was told to try the local bus at least once, just for the experience. since the vientiane-vang vieng route is one of the shortest in the country (4-5 hours, at best), this seemed like the one to try.
basically, the ride was everything i expected, only longer. nadja + i were crammed into tiny plastic seats, surrounded by bags of farming supplies and locals, many of whom loved to play loud music through tinny cell phone speakers. apparently, these phones only hold about 3 songs each. by the end of the 7-hour ride, i could practically sing along to them, despite having no idea what the words were. eventually, we made it through winding, bumpy hills and into the promised land of vang vieng. the town has quite a reputation for fun. here's what i'd been told beforehand:
1. it's a small town, but a party town.
2. it's almost entirely tourists, aka highly westernized.
3. there are plenty of outdoor-related activities, the most popular of which is tubing down the river and stopping at its many bars for drinks and rope swings.
4. they serve delicious shakes.
5. they serve delicious shakes with "happy" ingredients; stuff that is technically illegal.
6. they all love the show "friends" and watch it non-stop.
7. everyone who goes there loves it, and has such a good time that they stay a few extra days at the expense of missing out on the rest of the country.
after spending something like 4 days there, here's my take on the above-mentioned points:
1. yes, it is a party town. it felt a lot like spring break, but with paler skin and more dreadlocks. crap, you see a lot of those types here, and they're almost always europeans. these ratty-haired folks with various tribal tattoos and other poorly thought-out designs may scream individuality at home, but when they all amass in another part of the world to eat, stink and be merry, they start to look awful homogenous. oh, the irony! at least they're wearing proper swim trunks, not the atrocious micromini-speedos of their wrinkly parents' generation.
2. yes, there is very little lao authenticity to this town. don't come for the culture; come to make fun of the europeans.
3. this is why we come here. all sorts of caving, kayaking, swimming and yes, the holy grail of it all, tubing. of the 2-3km of river that people float down, there are at least 40 bars, most of them clumped together. they range from tiny porches with a single cooler of beer to large compounds featuring volleyball courts, palapas, restaurants/kitchens, and rope swings + zip lines. as for the rope swings? if you're like me, you're probably picturing something simple like a rope, hanging from a tree branch over the river. not the case. instead, rickety bamboo structures of various heights (generally 6-10 meters) are set up, from which the brave*** can swing wildly out on steel cables, covering enormous parabolic arcs before plummeting into the river below. this can be a really intense and amazing experience, even when sober. i can't wait to find a reliable computer from which to upload videos.
mark (ireland), midair @ last bar
4. yes, they do serve delicious shakes. no meal is complete without an ice-cold, sugary concoction overloaded with fruity goodness. i preferred the mint ones.
5. yes, they serve these, too. i assume they also taste good, but from what i heard, potency and legality varied by restaurant. some places avoid trouble by paying the cops to look the other way. apparently, busting tourists is a huge racket here. there are all sorts of people working undercover, and stories abound of guesthouse owners who set up their own visitors for busts. getting caught is a fine that can reach $500+, the proceeds of which go to the arresting officer, but with a healthy commission for whoever else was involved. despite the inherent dangers, plenty of people still walk around town extolling the virtues of their altered shakes.
6. they do show ''friends" everywhere. at first, i was under the impression that the locals were obsessed with the show and just loved having it on. but in actuality, the restaurants all air it with the assumption that westerners love it, and whether or not they actually do, they still frequent said restaurants and stare slack-jawed at the screens as they eat their traditional lao meals of hamburgers, pizza and spaghetti.
7. "groundhog day" syndrome is strong here. vang vieng is fun, but drinking and tubing all day, followed by drinking and watching reruns at night can get very repetitive. VERY repetitive. almost everyone i spoke with shared stories of their planned 2-3 day visits stretching out to 5-7 days, or even longer. some people blame the constant partying, in conjunction with the only buses out of town leaving before 10 a.m. others just have too much of a good time in a relaxing place, and are hesitant to jump back on the long, bumpy road.
speaking of long, bumpy roads, they get worse than the vientiane-vang vieng route. much worse, as i learned when i finally left for luang prabang, to the north.
-sg
another laosy sunset.
at 8,800 kip to the dollar, everyone's a millionaire. or in my case, a seven hundred thousandaire.
uh, nadja? the temple's on your other right.
they were both holding little tiny roaches.
if you can't find a buddha nearby, just worship one of these...
* but with slightly less bugs.
** minibuses are equally shitty, just smaller. by some sort of mathematical equation (transitive? i forget), that relates to more shittiness per square foot for minibuses.
*** aka the intoxicated.
after spending the night in a bed that was just as comfortable as the floor would've been*, i awoke, happy to find no lasting effects of the absinthe. then again, i'd only had one shot.
vientiane is a quaint little city, but it was time to move on. other than the wat and arc de triomphe thing (which i now know is called patuxai), all that was left to see was the lao natural history museum. after a whirlwind tour of the place before they closed for siesta, nadja and i jumped a bus up to vang vieng.
pha that luang. it looks like gold, but the inside is milk chocolate.
patuxai, the arc de triomphe knock-off. you can practically hear the french laughing at it..."a-haw haw haw."
laos was never designed with travel in mind. actually, the place wasn't designed with anything in mind, other than kicking it and choking on dust. travel is done almost exclusively by bus, over roads of varying quality and maintenance. there are no trains, and laos' only airline, the appropriately-named lao airlines, is not only impractical, but has a horrible reputation. for reasons that can only be interpreted as grim, they do not publish their safety record. and even if you do wanna risk life + limb aboard their crafts, chances are they're not flying where you wanna go, anyway. at least when it comes to buses, you have options: shitty buses, really shitty buses, and minibuses**. naturally, they don't refer to their shitty means of transport as shitty. for interpretation, please refer to the following table:
v.i.p. bus = shitty bus
local bus = really shitty bus
minibus = itty bitty shitty bus
with v.i.p. buses, you get the following amenities: luggage stowed in a lower compartment, seats that may or may not recline airplane-style, and an overhead a/c vent and reading light. the "reading light" is just for show, and the a/c vent can vary anywhere from non-working amenity to arctic hurricane gust. basically, you never know what you're getting until you climb aboard.
local buses, on the other hand, feature all the people, animals, luggage and anything portable that can fit into and on top of the vehicle. as an added feature, they will stop anywhere to pick up or drop off riders. sounds nice, right? well, it is if you're starting/ending your journey mid-route. for the rest of the riders, it just adds more time to the experience.
as for minibuses, the name conjures images of a shortbus. this sounds fun, right? in actuality, these are commuter vans, and are just as crowded as the v.i.p. bus, but smaller, and with a name that conveys less of an aura of prestige.
per the suggestions of some other travelers, i was told to try the local bus at least once, just for the experience. since the vientiane-vang vieng route is one of the shortest in the country (4-5 hours, at best), this seemed like the one to try.
basically, the ride was everything i expected, only longer. nadja + i were crammed into tiny plastic seats, surrounded by bags of farming supplies and locals, many of whom loved to play loud music through tinny cell phone speakers. apparently, these phones only hold about 3 songs each. by the end of the 7-hour ride, i could practically sing along to them, despite having no idea what the words were. eventually, we made it through winding, bumpy hills and into the promised land of vang vieng. the town has quite a reputation for fun. here's what i'd been told beforehand:
1. it's a small town, but a party town.
2. it's almost entirely tourists, aka highly westernized.
3. there are plenty of outdoor-related activities, the most popular of which is tubing down the river and stopping at its many bars for drinks and rope swings.
4. they serve delicious shakes.
5. they serve delicious shakes with "happy" ingredients; stuff that is technically illegal.
6. they all love the show "friends" and watch it non-stop.
7. everyone who goes there loves it, and has such a good time that they stay a few extra days at the expense of missing out on the rest of the country.
after spending something like 4 days there, here's my take on the above-mentioned points:
1. yes, it is a party town. it felt a lot like spring break, but with paler skin and more dreadlocks. crap, you see a lot of those types here, and they're almost always europeans. these ratty-haired folks with various tribal tattoos and other poorly thought-out designs may scream individuality at home, but when they all amass in another part of the world to eat, stink and be merry, they start to look awful homogenous. oh, the irony! at least they're wearing proper swim trunks, not the atrocious micromini-speedos of their wrinkly parents' generation.
2. yes, there is very little lao authenticity to this town. don't come for the culture; come to make fun of the europeans.
3. this is why we come here. all sorts of caving, kayaking, swimming and yes, the holy grail of it all, tubing. of the 2-3km of river that people float down, there are at least 40 bars, most of them clumped together. they range from tiny porches with a single cooler of beer to large compounds featuring volleyball courts, palapas, restaurants/kitchens, and rope swings + zip lines. as for the rope swings? if you're like me, you're probably picturing something simple like a rope, hanging from a tree branch over the river. not the case. instead, rickety bamboo structures of various heights (generally 6-10 meters) are set up, from which the brave*** can swing wildly out on steel cables, covering enormous parabolic arcs before plummeting into the river below. this can be a really intense and amazing experience, even when sober. i can't wait to find a reliable computer from which to upload videos.
mark (ireland), midair @ last bar
4. yes, they do serve delicious shakes. no meal is complete without an ice-cold, sugary concoction overloaded with fruity goodness. i preferred the mint ones.
5. yes, they serve these, too. i assume they also taste good, but from what i heard, potency and legality varied by restaurant. some places avoid trouble by paying the cops to look the other way. apparently, busting tourists is a huge racket here. there are all sorts of people working undercover, and stories abound of guesthouse owners who set up their own visitors for busts. getting caught is a fine that can reach $500+, the proceeds of which go to the arresting officer, but with a healthy commission for whoever else was involved. despite the inherent dangers, plenty of people still walk around town extolling the virtues of their altered shakes.
6. they do show ''friends" everywhere. at first, i was under the impression that the locals were obsessed with the show and just loved having it on. but in actuality, the restaurants all air it with the assumption that westerners love it, and whether or not they actually do, they still frequent said restaurants and stare slack-jawed at the screens as they eat their traditional lao meals of hamburgers, pizza and spaghetti.
7. "groundhog day" syndrome is strong here. vang vieng is fun, but drinking and tubing all day, followed by drinking and watching reruns at night can get very repetitive. VERY repetitive. almost everyone i spoke with shared stories of their planned 2-3 day visits stretching out to 5-7 days, or even longer. some people blame the constant partying, in conjunction with the only buses out of town leaving before 10 a.m. others just have too much of a good time in a relaxing place, and are hesitant to jump back on the long, bumpy road.
speaking of long, bumpy roads, they get worse than the vientiane-vang vieng route. much worse, as i learned when i finally left for luang prabang, to the north.
-sg
another laosy sunset.
at 8,800 kip to the dollar, everyone's a millionaire. or in my case, a seven hundred thousandaire.
uh, nadja? the temple's on your other right.
they were both holding little tiny roaches.
if you can't find a buddha nearby, just worship one of these...
* but with slightly less bugs.
** minibuses are equally shitty, just smaller. by some sort of mathematical equation (transitive? i forget), that relates to more shittiness per square foot for minibuses.
*** aka the intoxicated.
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